Hey there, Let’s have a real talk about something I see all the time with my clients - and, to be honest, something I’ve struggled with myself. Perfectionism. Oh yes, that sneaky little gremlin that whispers, “If it’s not flawless, it’s not good enough.” Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing: nobody is perfect, and we all know it. But that doesn’t stop many of us from trying. Striving for excellence is a fantastic trait - it can fuel our success, build confidence, and help us create amazing things in our lives. But, like a fine glass of wine, it’s best enjoyed in moderation. Too much, and suddenly, you’re drowning in stress, self-doubt, and exhaustion.
So, let’s consider what perfectionism is, the good, the bad, and what we can do to make sure it’s working for you, not against you.
What Is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism is more than just wanting to do a good job. It’s a personality trait where you set extremely high standards for yourself and beat yourself up over the smallest imperfections. Some perfectionists even feel like nothing they do is ever quite good enough. Which can be exhausting, right?
Now, not all perfectionism is bad. In fact, there are two sides to perfectionism:
The Good: Adaptive Perfectionism
This is the type of perfectionism that helps you thrive. It means setting high but realistic goals, working hard, and taking pride in your achievements. It fuels motivation and pushes you to be your best self, without tearing yourself down in the process.
The Bad: Maladaptive Perfectionism
Now, this is where perfectionism can get toxic. If you’re constantly worried about failing, overly critical of yourself, or are paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes, you’re stuck in a perfectionist loop. And that loop? It leads straight to stress, anxiety, and burnout.
So, let’s consider, how perfectionism could be hurting you? Here are some telltale signs.
Perfectionist Traits: Are You Stuck in the Trap?
- All-or-Nothing Thinking: You see things as either perfect or a total disaster. (If you get a 98% on something, do you obsess over the missing 2%?)
- Unrealistic Standards: Your expectations for yourself (and sometimes others) are sky-high, making it nearly impossible to feel satisfied.
- Fear of Failure: You’d rather not try than risk failing. (This is where perfectionism turns into procrastination.)
- Tunnel Vision: When you’re fixated on perfection in one area, you neglect other parts of life, like relationships, self-care, or just having fun.
- Obsession with Results: Instead of enjoying the process, you’re only focused on the outcome. (And if the outcome isn’t “perfect,” it feels worthless.)
- Harsh Self-Criticism: You’re your own worst critic, and no matter what you achieve, you never feel “good enough.”
- Struggle with Criticism: Instead of seeing feedback as a way to grow, you take it personally and feel like a failure.
- Avoidance & Procrastination: If you can’t do something perfectly, you’d rather not do it at all. So, projects stay unfinished, and dreams stay on the back burner.
Sound familiar? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. And the good news? You can absolutely break free from the perfectionist trap.
The Toll of Perfectionism on Your Well-Being
While adaptive perfectionism can be a superpower, maladaptive perfectionism is more like kryptonite. It can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even depression. When you’re constantly striving for an unattainable level of “perfect,” it chips away at your self-esteem and drains your energy.
Physically, it can manifest as:
- High blood pressure
- Insomnia
- Digestive issues
- Chronic fatigue
- Physical pain
Mentally and emotionally, it can cause:
- Constant irritability
- Feeling stuck or unfulfilled
- Burnout
- A never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction
- Inability to sleep well
Ladies, we do not have time for that. So, let’s talk about how to flip the script and take back control.
Overcoming Perfectionism: Learning to Embrace the “Perfectly Imperfect”
- Set Attainable Standards: Ask yourself: “Is this goal realistic, or am I setting myself up for failure?” Aim high, but keep it doable.
- Reframe Mistakes as Learning Opportunities: Instead of seeing mistakes as failures, view them as stepping stones to growth. (Because, spoiler alert: even the most successful people have made a ton of mistakes and the more successful they are often the more mistakes!)
- Be Flexible: Life is unpredictable. Learning to roll with the punches and adjusting your expectations as needed will help keep stress at bay.
- Focus on the Process/Journey, Not Just the Outcome: Enjoy the journey! Savor the learning, the progress, and the little wins along the way.
- Celebrate Progress, Not Just Perfection: Every step forward is a success. Acknowledge your efforts and give yourself credit where it’s due.
- Learn to Accept Feedback: Constructive criticism isn’t an attack in fact it’s an opportunity to grow. Try to take it in stride.
- Ditch the “All-or-Nothing” Mentality: Life isn’t black and white. Sometimes “good enough” is “Good Enough”.
- Know When to Ask for Help: If perfectionism is ruling your life, therapy or coaching (hi, that’s where I come in!) I can help you break free from these patterns and find a path forwards that honors Your life and wish to improve without all the negative emotions that go along with that.
Final Thoughts: Give Yourself Some Grace
Here’s the truth: You are already enough. Right now, as you are. Not when you lose 10 pounds. Not when you get that promotion. Not when you finally have the “perfect” morning routine. Right. Now.
Striving for excellence is a beautiful thing, but not at the cost of your happiness and well-being. Life is meant to be messy, unpredictable, and imperfect. And that’s exactly what makes it beautiful.
So, my challenge to you? This week, give yourself permission to be “Good Enough.” Let yourself make a mistake without self-judgment. Try something new without the pressure of being amazing at it right away. And most importantly, be kind to yourself.
You’ve got this. And I’m right here, cheering you on.
With love & encouragement,
Thank you for reading.
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